apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
