He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
