I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
