I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize