I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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