Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I cockslap morals
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i think my cat just said my name.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
