How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
