so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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