his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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