Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
