sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are a genius and a whore.
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