he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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