I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
