That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
