Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wanna go halves on a baby?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
