is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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