if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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