I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
