I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
