i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
