Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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