I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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