Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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