i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
