Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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