id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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