I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
