we're blogging at a bar
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
