does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
