i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
