addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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