That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
