nut hugger
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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