PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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