she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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