I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
