i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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