Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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