I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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