I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize