The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is in my trunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Two words: blizzard sex
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
