Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
