im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
