Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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