I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
