you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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