no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
