We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
