just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
