I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MIDGETS
????
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
