And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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