An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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