You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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