hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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