Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they call him Oral-B. enough said
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize