Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
