peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
