he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
