Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
