Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
