I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cat gives me a boner
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
