Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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