it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
