i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
