Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
barbara walters just said penis...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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