He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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