She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if you like me you must not know who I am
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
