Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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