I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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