So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
