She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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