Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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