i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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