i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
