I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
